A Bad Habit
by SlythCommand
Summary: Dora Tonks has a bad habit of winning arguments... And Remus has a bad habit of losing them.


"Remus, I don't understand why you refuse to take me seriously," Nymphadora Tonks said, slamming her coffee cup on the table between them the instant they were alone. Remus sighed wearily and sat his cup on the table. He had somehow anticipated this, and he felt it was much too early in the morning to be arguing with Tonks. In fact, it was never a good time to be arguing with Tonks.

"Dora, please, we've been through this-"

"Remus, I don't want to hear it! I'm tired of you saying that age has anything to do with love! If you were as old as Dumbledore I would still love you! Age isn't a factor here," Tonks said, and Remus looked at her. Her hair and eyes lately had been a dull brown instead of her usual eye-catching colors, and it seemed she wore the same face now-a-days. She hadn't lost that spark of life in her eyes, but it was buried deep under what looked a lot like loneliness, and Remus knew he had put that loneliness there.

"I know why you won't listen to me, and I keep telling you I don't care. Everyone has their problem, Remus."

"Yes, but not everyone's problem makes them into a slavering monster that attacks itself just so it can have something to rip and shred when it can't find human pray, Dora," he replied wearily, having said it countless times to her.

"Only four days out of a month, and even then only at night! And you keep discounting the Wolfsbane potion, which gives you control over your transformed self during all of that time," Tonks replied vehemently, and Remus leaned forward.

"Dora, there have been incidents before when I have nearly killed people even with the invention of the Wolfsbane potion, and you know it."

"Once! Once! And that was entirely an accident! If you, Severus, and Sirius hadn't been trying to save Harry's life and apprehend Pettigrew you would have taken the Wolfsbane and it never would have happened. Don't try to say that isn't true, Remus," she said, a hand raised in signal to halt as he opened his mouth to protest.

"Now that we've cleared that entire mess up, I want a real answer, Remus Lupin. You've danced around it enough I think with your protests that you're dangerous."

"Dora-"

"No! I want an answer! I can't spend the rest of my life arguing with you about the dangers of loving a perfect gentleman who happens to be a werewolf while I wait for an answer. Do you or do you not reciprocate my feelings?" Remus sat across from her for a long while, looking at the silent urgency and the warring hope and fear in her eyes. He thought of his need to protect her from the wolf that was ever present under the calm exterior of Remus Lupin, and he thought of the deep longing that he had pushed to the bottom of his heart with the admonishment that she might love him now, but give her a chance to see him that way, and she would come to her senses and realize how dangerous he was.

"Yes." It was a defeated sigh, and Tonks seemed confused for a moment, almost as if she wasn't sure she'd heard correctly.

"Then why-"

"Have you ever seen a werewolf, Dora?" Remus asked, looking down at the table, once again holding his tea, almost like a security blanket. "Fully transformed? Face to face? It is a sight one never really forgets or stops fearing, even after almost thirty three years and roughly 429 transformations."

"Remus, I'm not afraid of you, and I never will be," Tonks said softly, gently prying the cup of tea from his grip and replacing it with her hands. "I'm not afraid that one day you'll forget to take some potion and maybe I'll end up seeing you as some slavering monster; I don't think it will ever happen. I'm clumsy, yes, but my memory is good. Even if you forgot, I wouldn't. And it's not as if I can't defend myself, I am a fully trained Auror and have been for six years." Her voice was still gentle, and when he looked at her she saw that she was not looking at him, but at the cup of tea she had liberated from his grip.

"Remus, I am afraid that this war is something very dangerous for us. With you as the only contact between the Order and the other werewolves and myself running reconnaissance, I can't say that either of us has a particularly safe job. What I am afraid of is that I can tell you I love you and you can tell me you love me, too, but we'll never get to experience the sharing of that love. I'm not talking about sex; I'm just talking about spending time together, just making each other as happy as we can with times so dark. I'm afraid that I can sit here telling you all of this and you can say you love me but you'll come up with some other excuse not to be together. I'm afraid that one of us could die tomorrow, or next week, and all that would have ever passed between us would be arguments, missions, and this one meaningful conversation. I don't know about you, but if I die tomorrow I don't want all of your memories of me to be me yelling at you and acting like an idiot."

"Dora, I'm not going to make up some excuse. It seems you've smashed all of my excuses and left me nothing to hide behind."

"So, you're giving in? You'll love me and let me love you back, no protests?"

"I can't guarantee no protests, Dora; I always have protests where you're concerned. I can say I am throwing in the towel. I have no idea what I was thinking when I started this battle, as if I could ever beat you."

"I have a bad habit of winning all our arguments, don't I?" Tonks asked with a smile, and Remus noted that her eyes were blue now.


End file.
